Saturday, March 27, 2010

Epic Fail: Rough Patch

I've got no words. I lost them. Misplaced them under a pile of bad decisions and dead ends and now can't find them again. Makes blog writing pretty impossible. The stick figures aren't effective. 

I did scrawl this on the back of an office memo on a bench tonight, so at least some words were left behind when the others ran for cover. But I don't like the looks of them:

"at Astor Place"

on a peeling bench at Astor Place she lost the week's last battle, lost the half hour war of blinking eyes and twitching lids and index fingers sniping tears, miscalculated where to jam a fingertip or what distraction to mobilize, chose the wrong piece of Preamble to the Constitution to recite over and over and underestimated the burden of an otherwise harmless marvin gaye playlist. or maybe it was more abstract, maybe she picked at the wrong shard of paint
trying to liberate itself from the armrest, or should have fanned both eyes with an old show program better suited for that fight, or focused more on mudra poses executed with energized hands. maybe it was just weak character. but on a bench at Astor Place she lost the final showdown, lost when they finally felled the lower lids until she was that girl crying. everybody saw.

Ominous words, missing wit, lost smile. Epic fail.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

JUST F-ING READ THIS #1: Why I'm Single, A Man's Perspective

Sometimes you come across a blog post so fucktastic you want to distribute it to other geeky e-readers like a warm Xerox copy of a first grade worksheet.  (PS: Remember those worksheets? I recently got my hands on some and need to stress to you how mindlessly, validatingly, "I've been lobotomized and I'm loving every minute of it" awesome they are. I'm being serious. What was once a colorful-pencil-with-a-nifty-craft-fair-eraser-on-the-top-that-you-know-you-chewed-on-at-least-once-because-EVERYBODY-did accented nightmare has become outright fun now that our brains are exposed so frequently to shitty work memos which do not have exciting cartoon barnyard animals at the bottom. Get a stack of grades 1-3 literature or math tests and keep them at home as party games or destressers. You won't regret it. "Fill in the blank_________." Really? That's all? AWESOME.)

ANYWAY, point is, my first JUST F-ING READ THIS is by Nick at Wade the Tides, a blogger who is also a heavily tattooed rocket scientist (no, I am not making that up. Yes, he is awesome. And he can play obscure Bigwig songs on guitar, which is unique for rocket scientists). Nick breaks down why he's "undateable", with charts, and it is brilliant.