Friday, February 19, 2010

EPIC (DETOX) FAIL: Purple Haze

My dumbass, red-purple "edgy girl bob" dyed the freaking sheets violet. Both pillowcases, plus the portion of the sheets under the pillows that makes contact with my head when I start rolling like an alligator in a death-spin after the insomnia frustration sets in.

Remember that part where I was going to slip out like a ghost in the night, leaving no trace behind? 

I'm as stealthy and untraceable as a know, if ninjas wore suits made from bubble wrap and cowbells and carried Chinese sparklers as weapons. 

(Also, that would be SO cool.)

Fuck my life. Wild Oxiclean session commencing immediately. 

And for the record: This is not Manic Panic--this is a very professionally executed and (embarrassingly) expensive red-purple-black dye job. So I feel the least the salon could have mentioned was, "Hey don't squat at any dudes' places, your bougie hair could potentially leave a berry-colored trail pointing directly to how retarded you are if you sleep on white sheets."


Hannah Miet said...

Oh, fuck.

I mean. Fuck.

But you are even more attractive in my mind now. I love edgy girl bobs. Especially violet hued edgy girl bobs.

Good luck with the stains...

Apryl said...

Oh no! I hope your stealth Ninja laundering goes well!

ND said...

Are purple-red edgy bobs the thing now? I just got one of those. I'm shocked that I, in Lexington, KY -- not the pinnacle of culture, could get an edgy hair similar to someone who is truly edgy in New York. My stylist did warn me that the purple would fade... and I didn't really believe her until I ruined a crazy expensive Egyptian cotton towel from my failed marriage (yes, 20 somethings can have failed marriages). Leaving purple streaks on the towel made me feel surprisingly good about myself. F' those expensive towels, they were just another reminder of too many years spent with an asshole.

On your situation, however... if oxyclean doesn't work, try rubbing alcohol. It sounds stupid, but I used to work in bridal and we used rubbing alcohol to clean EVERYTHING because it's similar to dry cleaning solution. It should get the purple out, no problem. If all else fails, RIT dye remover since they're white sheets.

Good luck!

Hipstercrite said...

I read this story, I think it was on Gawker, where a girl got really drunk, slept with a dude, forgot she had her period, and woke up to find the whole bed looking like a massacre.
At least that didn't happen toy you.

Polly Syllabick said...

ND: thank you thank you THANK you for the good advice. Also, I don't know if edgy bobs are a "thing," since I tend to just butcher the hell out of my hair and then spike it all to hell, but I regardless applaud what is clearly your baller personal style.

And thanks to the Hipstercrite for always putting things in perspective. Thanks lady...

IT said...

I thought you and the guy weren't an item any longer?
Screw it! Let the sheets be any color they want.

I'm only sayin' it because they're not my 600 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets.

Good luck! My hamsters are running overtime

IT said...

Durn! forgot the check the follow-up clicky thing.

Kaela said...

Yeahh, I sleep with a towel over my pillow every time I dye my hair (it's a deep dark red color, dyed from practically blonde). Found you from Sassy Curmudgeon, now your newest follower!